You Know You Are a Real Musician When...

You  re a Real Musician When:
    
You realize that the cheers from the audience after
    a particularly
    
difficult passage are for a sports play on the  big
    screen TV over the
    
bar, and that in fact, no one
    is listening to you.


    
When the gig you drove 200 miles for to make $100,
    and had to pay for a
    
hotel room, is later referred
    to as your "summer tour".
    
When your most sincere, heartfelt comments are made
    by people that are
    
drunk  and who won  t
    remember you in the morning.
    
When you are repeatedly told that the lead singer
    who can  t read, never
    
practices and has been singing
    for only six months is "The strongest
    
part of the band", primarily because she has big
    tits.
    
When you are pleased that the pay for the gig, when
    looked at hourly
    
from the time you leave your
    house to when you return meets minimum
    
wage.
    
When someone comes up to you to tell you how much
    they love your
    
playing, because they didn  t think anyone played those things
    anymore.
    
You get to the gig to find out that nothing is
    comped, and you  re
    
charged $10 to park.
    
When someone seeks you out to complement  your
    playing as the "best sax
    
player they have ever heard", and you  re the trumpet player.
    
When you realize that a small piece of equipment-
    such as a wireless
    
mike you need- will take months of weekly gigs to pay
    for.
    
When you have to add $30 or $40 out of your pocket
    to find a sub, cause
    
no one will cover you for what you  are paid.
    
You aren  t offended
    when all of the young wedding guests leave after
    
the second set to dance to the DJ at a club down the
    street.
    
When you are told that you must play until the very
    end of when you
    
were contracted for, when your
    only audience is the bartender, and
    
you  re being paid 40 or 50
    bucks for the night.
    
When the bandleader or club owner wants to pay you
    in food or drinks,
    
and you have $100,000 in school loans to pay off for that
    music degree.
    
When the guy collecting money at the door for the
    band  s performance
    
makes twice over the course of
    the evening what you do as one of the
    
band members.
    
When as a member of a blues band you no longer even
    pretend to  smile
    
when asked to play "Free Bird".
    
When you know that other musicians who routinely
    claim they don  t work
    
for less than $100 a night only work a few times a
    year.
    
You notice that all of the musicians playing the
    better functions to
    
young audiences are mid
    40  s ,  and
    up, and balding, because young musicians that
    
read don  t exist
    anymore.
    
When people who are drunk tell you that what you are
    doing is
    
absolutely great and the best
    thing thing they have ever seen or heard,
    
but refuse to pay more than $5 at the door.
    
When someone calling the cops for noise is a good
    thing. You get to go
    
home early and  you still get paid.
    
When you realize that asking women out that you meet
    on gigs doesn  t
    
work, for now they know you  re a musician. 
    
When you get invited to play the same gig the
    following year, which
    
means that you don't have to 
     tear down after this year's gig.
    
When you have, for several years, been paid the  same
    amount for a gig,
    
but are afraid to say anything
    about it for fear that you might lose
    
the gig.
    
When you spend more  on the bar
    tab than you get paid for the gig.
    
When you finally have to resort to playing Proud
    Mary in order to get
    
the audience
    dancing.